broken puppet strings
by fzztsmmns
Summary: in which Isa struggles to adjust to a world he no longer recognizes. (A series of short stories about post-KHIII Isa.)
1. sleep

Isa wonders if Lea sleeps at all. He knows Lea thinks he doesn't notice, but Isa knows Lea. He's used to a sharp-elbowed, loud snorer who smothers you in fire engine red hair, but this Lea stays separate from Isa, deliberately timed sighs echoing in the corners of the bedroom.

When Lea does sleep, he whimpers. For Roxas, for Xion, for his parents sometimes, when he's truly lost. Sometimes Lea whispers random names of worlds, of cities, of people he's killed. Isa knows every case. But he is not Lea. He does not carry the guilt of those deeds, at least.

No, what he's done is much worse.

Some nights Lea doesn't even pretend. Some nights he throws back the sheets with a growl, flicking through channels full of "have you seen this person?" ads and that old interview they did with Sora when the Second War ended. Lea does not like those channels. He always ends up at the same program, one about animals.

 _Lea liked dogs the most. Once, he and Isa found a box of puppies, abadoned at the back of a restaurant. Isa thought whoever abandoned those dogs by a garbage container had to be a special kind of garbage themselves._

But on a few extraordinarily rare nights, Lea cries. Isa feels the bed shake before he hears the sobs. Isa doesn't know what he cries about. Roxas, Xion, maybe the guilt. Maybe Isa.

Sometimes Isa ignores Lea, sometimes he tries to touch him. He never does. Some invisible force, a force that feels like Xemnas and his puppet strings, pulls him back and keeps his fingers fisted in the pillow. Instead he listens to Lea cry.

He wonders if this makes him a sadist. If he already isn't one.


	2. morning

At breakfast, Lea digs through his cereal and ignores Isa. This is not new. He pours milk in Isa's bowl. China with blue birds delicately painted on the inside. Isa wonders who made it and if they're still alive.

"Are you seeing the doctor today?" Lea's voice is rough, scratchy from a lack of sleep. Isa privately thinks he doesn't sleep well because he's around.

"No." Isa plays with his cereal. _(Don't play with your food, Isa. You're better than that. Represent, remember?)_ He forces himself to take a bite.

Lea hums. He reaches for a newspaper.

Isa takes another bite.


	3. xion

Xion arrives on the fifth month of Isa's newly reborn life. She left after the Second War. Lea says she wanted to see the universe, but Isa knows what she was really doing because he once wanted to do it as well. She's looking for a better life.

Xion's hair goes past her shoulders, still black as ever. Her eyes are the same shade of periwinkle blue and her skin the usual porcelain color. But Isa knows change when he sees it. Xion is alive.

Lea hangs back in the corridor shadows. Isa glares at him.

"Go see her," he suggests, but he already knows Lea's answer.

"No." Lea returns Isa's hot stare. "She hates me."

"Mm," Isa shrugged. "You hate me and you still talk to me."

"That's different." After a moment of silence, Lea glances at Isa. "Do you really think I hate you?"

Isa snorts. "I don't say anything I don't mean."

Lea harrumphs. "I don't hate you." He stares at Xion, at her blue dress so unlike her Organization coat, and frowns. "Xion hates me."

"Roxas and Xion are different people," Isa notes.

"Yeah, but how different?" Lea rubs his chin with one hand and leans back into the shadows. "I'll see her at dinner tonight anyways."

Isa shakes his head. "Cowardice does not look good on you, Lea."

Lea glares nastily. "Yeah? That's funny, coming from you."

This is a low blow. Isa does not give him the satisfaction of a response.


	4. aqua

Of all the Keybearers, Isa gets along best with Aqua.

She is the only one who deigns to speak to him – other than Lea – but unlike with Lea, there's no tension that hangs over the room, suffocating Isa's lungs.

Most days, Aqua talks to Isa of her life. Isa privately enjoys this time more than his time with Lea. Lea never wants to talk. And if he does, then he tries to talk about their childhood; and Isa is in no mood to reminisce. Ever.

Sometimes Aqua asks about Isa's childhood. Isa doesn't reply to these questions.

Other times, Aqua cries, and Isa is reminded of the sister he once had. Aqua would have liked his sister.

Isa tries his best to comfort, but he is a man made of icicles, and his half-formed, half-meant words do nothing to staunch Aqua's sadness.


	5. past

"You need to stop talking about the past."

Isa cuts over Lea's lengthy ramble about some adventure he can barely remember participating in. Most of Lea's stories are like that, at least to Isa. He remembers the basics – the stickiness of sea salt ice cream, the soccer games in the abandoned park, other details – but most of his life as Isa escapes him. Whenever Lea talks about their lives thirteen years ago Isa's head hurts. It is almost like Xehanort is still crouching down in his mind, stifling his dreams and feelings and memories.

Lea stops. He's more surprised than anything. Isa thinks that he looks like a fish when he gapes as he does. "What?"

"You heard me," Isa says. "Please stop talking about us."

"I... uh… I was just remembering."

"I know. Please stop." Isa rubs at his forehead, the pain in his scar lightning-bolt intense.

Lea shuts his mouth and turns away. Isa tries to ignore the way his eyes lose their shine.


	6. sick

Lea hacks into his hands and Isa watches him coolly. "You're sick."

"No," Lea denies. The next cough rattles his frame and leaves him pale and staring at the crimson stains on his palm.

"You're sick," Isa says again, but this time, he moves, grabbing at Lea's wrist. The action surprises Lea and the wiry man twists out of his grip. "You're sick just like when you were thirteen." _Except now you're older and skinnier and dying._ "Go see a doctor."

Lea, clearly annoyed, wipes his hand on the bathroom towel. "It's nothing."

"You said that when you were younger, too. If I remember correctly, you almost died."

Lea glances at him from the corner of his eyes. His hands tremble. It is great enough a reaction for Isa to notice.

"Lea."

"I'm _fine,_ Isa. It's probably just aftereffects or something." Lea coughs, loud and long, and Isa watches as Lea winces in pain.

" _Lea._ "

Grimacing, Lea straightens, still clutching the towel. "Fine. One visit. But you're worrying about nothing, Isa."

 _(Isa, the castle's perfectly safe. You're worrying about nothing. What's the worst they can do if they catch us? Throw us out? They've already done that. If you're sooo afraid of bruises…)_

What was that phrase? Oh, yes. Better safe than sorry.


End file.
